The Undead Awesome
by abstow89
Summary: This is what happens if you meet the Undead Army.


**The Undead Awesome**

**A/N: There are many reasons why you shouldn't fight the Undead Army. Here's one--a bunch of them. Anyone who saw Awesome Invaders or any flash animation made by Egoraptor knows what I'm talking about.**

An adventurer was walking through the volcanic caves of Alnaphar, in search of the Shadow Set to enhance his weapons and defensive skills and hopefully find a way to defend himself from zombies and vampires. So far, the adventurer had fought several different types of elemental monsters and creatures, most of which were fire or darkness.

"WHEW! Man, that dragon Edan was a badass! I hope I don't have to fight him again! Although I guess it's better than fighting Akriloth, but anyways…"

The adventurer continued walking down the path to the Shadow Set, until he heard a set of rattling and whistling from beyond.

"Whoa…that sounds like undead skeletons."

The adventurer edged his nose forward and sniffed twice, quickly retracting it when his nostrils inhaled the rotten stench of dead dried out bones.

"Ew and it smells like it too! There's no way I'm fighting that many skeletons! …Maybe if I tread softly, I'll be okay."

The adventurer began to walk softly on the ground covered with brimstone, being as quiet as he possibly could. But sadly, he tripped over a large rock he didn't see in the dark and dropped his Sword of Deren, which made a loud clang as it hit the wall. All of the undead creatures turned around and saw the helpless adventurer smiling devilishly and ready to attack.

"Fuck."

The undead creatures began to creep closer to the adventurer, ready to bite his flesh off and rip him to pieces.

"Okay, okay. You can do this. It's only seven of them. It's not like there's a whole army--"

The adventurer climbed onto the peak of a gigantic rock so he could see the army from a birds-eye view. There were over 150 undead skeletons of different categories coming towards him. Bludwig the Dragon, dracolichs, Undead soldiers, skullers, and horses. There were even Undead Wolf Masters, Undead Zards and ninjas, and even Dracolich Riders. But worst of all, Drakath was there, in his undead soggy form."

"WHAT! Holy shit! There's like…400 of them AND ME! That's not fucking fair!!!" said the adventurer.

He grabbed his Sword of Deren and began swatting at the skeletons like crazy, trying to survive the hellish madness. Somewhere along the line, the adventurer was hit and was infected with a dangerous poison.

"Oh my God, I've been poisoned!"

The adventurer healed himself instantly with a potion made by Warlic.

"There's too many of them! Shit! What do I do?!!?"

"Try shooting them asshole." suggested Artix.

"SHUT UP! Where the fuck am I gonna get a shotgun in the 15th century?"

Artix took out a Remington 1100 shotgun and tossed it at the adventurer's feet.

"What the fuck? Where'd you get that?"

"ZardBay."

"Oh, then I guess that makes sense."

The adventurer placed several shotgun shells encased with the element of light and began to blast Undead creatures left and right, until he eventually ran out of bullets. The adventurer swore again and threw the shotgun to the ground, killing more skeletons with his sword again. Suddenly, an Undead Zard bit him in the butt.

"OWW!! Lay off my ass man!"

The adventurer pulled off the Zard and broke open its jaw, just in time for Drakath to appear.

"Shit."

Drakath roared loudly in the adventurer's face, shattering his ear drums.

"UGH!! Nice breath!"

"Get off my back; I spend the rest of my undead life eating rotten flesh! When do you ever see dragons brushing their teeth anyways?"

"I dunno, but you need a breath mint!"

"Shut up!"

Drakath took out a random handgun and shot the adventurer in the leg.

"FUCK! You just shot me in the leg!"

"So?"

"Don't worry adventurer! Stand back, I'll defeat this foul dragon for you!" said Galanoth.

"When'd you get here?" asked the adventurer.

"I don't know. All I remember is that some flame dragon was real pissed at me for slaughtering his family so he shoved me up his ass and I think--"

"OH MY GOD!! STOP TALKING AND JUST KILL THE DAMN DRAGON!!" yelled the adventurer, disgusted.

Galanoth stabbed Drakath ONCE in the chest, killing him. Unfortunately, Drakath came back to life again, in his resurrected and more powerful form. He laughed evilly at the two humans and was about to attack them.

"Uh…gotta run!"

Galanoth began to sprint out the cave.

"HEY!! Where ya goin'?" yelled the adventurer.

"To go hide in that flame dragon's ass again!"

"Goddamn pansy!"

"HAHA! Prepare to feel the wrath of--"

A random boulder fell from the ceiling of the cave and landed right on Drakath's head, crushing it and killing him.

"That was randomly convenient."

Another undead soldier appeared and stabbed the adventurer in the back with a powerful sword. Then an Undead Wolf Master came in and sent his hounds to claw away at the adventurer's face.

"This is impossible!"

"Here, take this."

Artix chucked a large bazooka which housed a nuclear missile inside of it, doused with the element of light.

"Dude, where do you find all this crap?!"

"I told you! ZardBay!"

"Right."

The adventurer loaded the weapon with a massive missile and aimed it at the whole Undead Army, ready to blow them all to smithereens.

"Goodbye muthafuckas!"

"No, wait!!" warned Artix.

But the adventurer ignored Artix, longing to destroy the army at any costs. He fired the missile at the fleet of skeletons and incinerated the whole platoon.

"HA HA! I finally defeat--"

The adventurer started screaming loudly when the rays emitted from the bomb were soaring right through his retinas, burning them beyond recognition. After some time, his eyes boiled and exploded, just before his whole body was charred into nothing but ash. In fact, everyone located in Lore was killed from the powerful blast, until the whole world was swallowed up by a black hole.

Suddenly Galanoth squeezed his way between the flame dragon's butt and asked, "What'd I miss?"

**The End**

**Morale: If you should come into contact with the Undead Army, you're fucked.**


End file.
